Maybe the internet is our third space
Navigating life after college has been a series of “let’s meet up,” empty coffee cups, and pictures of new places with familiar people. But with so many promised hangouts fulfilled and a reinvigorated love for life, I often find myself with a close-to-empty wallet.
My connection with others has recently been anchored on finding a “third space,” or a space aside from home and work where we frequent to meet people. American sociologist Ray Oldenburg defined it as a social space with little to no financial barriers where people from all walks of life can make and foster connections. In my search now for a true third space, I recall my younger years when I frequented online spaces.
Growing up, I didn’t go out as often with friends. It was mostly traveling from home to school and back. Instead, I spent my free time playing games like Poptropica and Neopets. It was my first taste of interacting with people online. We all wanted to play games and could do it together from the comfort of our homes. There wasn’t a sense of getting to know each other deeply at the time, but it was nice to feel that I could spend hours playing with people from all over the world.
As I entered my teens, my best friend introduced me to shows like Teen Wolf. I wanted to talk for hours about how much I liked each episode, but was too shy to do so with my friends, so I opened my first Tumblr account to see people’s opinions. It then led me to discover more ways to talk to people on the internet. I became a part of fandom culture. I posted about Dylan O’Brien and my current songs on rotation from Twenty One Pilots and Halsey. I wanted to be seen in the online world as someone people could talk to.
Regardless of our busy schedules or the long distance, I know that my friends are one video call away.
I craved connection. I wished to feel that my favorite shows and artists were worth the acclaim I gave them, but I was afraid to voice my interests in person for fear of being faced with confusion or indifference. Luckily, there were people who did not find my interests outlandish. In fact, they would add to my ideas and spend hours talking to me about our theories. It didn’t matter that we were from different parts of the Philippines or the world. I knew that there was a place where I belonged within the reach of my fingertips.
Now that I’m in my early 20s, I’ve left behind some of these social media platforms. I deactivated my accounts dedicated to fandoms and started focusing on my relationships in the real world. I wanted to feel present in the life in front of me, as I realized that I was always glued to my phone. I focused on finishing college, passing my licensure exam, and trying to become an adult.
With all the recent changes in my life, I tried to find places to stop and remind myself of what makes life meaningful before I continue studying or working. However, as my friends and I become adults with varying careers and schedules, it has been hard to catch up. Our meetups need to be scheduled in advance with a destination already in mind, so we can set aside not just time but also enough money. We send each other links to cafes and activities we want to try, followed by “soon.”
Finding myself and my community is more difficult when we are expected to spend money to fit into third spaces. There is always the option to meet people in their homes, but it’s hard when we don’t have our own rooms or space, and in turn, we cannot be our true selves in fear of being judged by the people we live with. For queer people, for instance, it becomes hard to dress in the most gender-affirming way or talk about discovering our sexual orientation in a space shared with family or acquaintances without the risk of being discovered and getting scolded or questioned.
Online platforms have given me a sense of familiarity. We may have many differences in upbringing, culture, and outlook on life, but we are united by the desire to be in a community. That’s why I think we love sharing memes or playing games online. We can express ourselves authentically, something we can be deprived of in public spaces. Despite how far we are from each other, we could see ourselves being brought together.
Not only is the internet a way for me to meet people I wouldn’t have met in person, but it is also the way I connect with friends I haven’t seen in a long time. Whether it’s because of our busy schedules or the long distance, I know that my friends are one video call away. Our smiles may be pixelated by poor connection, or it may take ages for us to reply and get a conversation going, but there is something vulnerable about placing yourself out there. There still may be challenges with making time and connecting with the people I love online, but it is a promise to see each other soon or a reminder that no matter how crazy our lives have become, we can meet halfway in a third space we can call our own.