What to do when your boss and coworker are having an affair
Workplace romances can get messy, especially if it's an illicit one. Such was the case for a company's boss and chief human resources officer after they were caught allegedly having an affair during a Coldplay concert.
Viral videos of the British band's show in Boston on July 16 showed Astronomer's Chief Executive Officer Andy Byron hugging Chief Human Resources Officer Kristin Cabot from behind. Realizing that they're in the spotlight, Cabot covered her face and turned her back as Byron sat on the ground and waved both of his hands.
In a statement, Astronomer said that their board of directors is now investigating the incident, and Byron has now been placed on leave.
This incident spotlights a broader reality—for every workplace romance that surfaces, numerous others likely remain private and unreported. This raises important questions for employees: if you become aware of such a situation, how should you approach it? And is reporting it to HR the right step?
To report or not to report?
According to HR manager Nhei Naguit, these kinds of relationships pose several potential risks to the company, which is why it's important to report them to the next immediate head.
One of the primary reasons is a conflict of interest. The boss "might up their partner for promotion just because they’re in a relationship," or they may also make decisions involving their partner that "might not be as objective."
"Workloads might also be disseminated unequally as the favor is always with their partner," she added.
Fellow HR manager Jeremiah Yalung Rafanan told PhilSTAR L!fe that these cases should be reported, especially if the situation "starts to affect the work environment."
"It’s best for the employee to raise the concern confidentially to HR. The focus should be on the impact on work, not the personal relationship," he said.
How should you spill the tea?
Jonane Quiambao, an HR business partner who shares tips on her TikTok page HR Rant with Nae, calls these types of situations "dangerous."
"If your HR is involved in the affair? That’s even messier. In that case, escalate it outside through your legal department, the company’s whistleblower channel, or labor authorities," she advised.
While you can choose to directly confront either party about it, Quiambao warned that you should "be ready to suffer for it."
"Let’s be real: Confronting your boss about their affair can backfire, especially if the leadership protects each other. If you choose to speak up, make sure you have proof, keep your tone professional, and document everything, including their response," she said. "But honestly? Your safest route is to use formal channels. Your boss’ ego is not your problem to fix."
Rafanan echoed the same sentiment in that confrontation could lead to "tension or even retaliation." Using the company’s grievance mechanism allows for more "confidentiality and neutrality."
How HR investigates it
Mabel Ogoshi said that as an HR consultant, she would investigate issues like this as "discreetly and objectively" as possible.
"I’d start by talking privately with the people directly involved—separately, of course. We ask clear, respectful questions to understand what’s going on and whether any policies have been violated," she said.
"We avoid assumptions, and we never share unnecessary details. Only the people who absolutely need to know will be involved, and we document everything securely," she added.
She admitted that power dynamics "can make things tricky, even if both people say it’s mutual."
"We look for signs like one person suddenly getting better assignments, avoiding HR, or showing stress. If there's any hint of discomfort, control, or unspoken pressure, that’s a red flag," Ogoshi explained.
What are the sanctions for the people involved?
Once a workplace affair between a boss and co-worker is confirmed, sanctions will vary significantly according to HR expert, Rafanan. He said that sanctions vary "depending on the company’s code of conduct and the severity of the impact."
"Disciplinary actions may range from warnings to reassignments, or even termination, especially if there was nondisclosure, ethical violations, or disruption in the workplace. Proper investigation and due process should always be followed," he said.
Quiambao added that if an executive is involved, you can "expect public relations damage control more than accountability unless the public calls it out."
"This isn’t about love, it’s about abuse of power and betrayal of trust. Affairs in the workplace aren’t just ‘chismis,’ they’re symptoms of broken systems. And if HR is part of the affair? Then the whole structure is compromised," she said.
Ogoshi said it's important for HR practitioners to make employees feel "seen, respected, protected." This means fostering judgment-free spaces where people can speak openly with HR, alongside offering anonymous whistleblowing channels to safeguard against potential negative consequences.