TRENDING: What is a 'performative male,' and why is everyone talking about him?
If you've been chronically online, you might have seen some posts about the "performative male."
This guy is described on social media platforms aesthetically as screaming "soft," "sensitive," and "self-aware." Memes show him sipping matcha and casually pulling a copy of All About Love or other feminist literature out of his tote bag.
Digging deeper, users have said that he's a man who seems in touch with his emotions, sprinkles feminist language into everyday talk. But where did the "performative male" come from, and what makes him such a sensation?
The term started trending on TikTok and beyond in August, but there are some posts that mentioned the term as early as May.
@yungjackinnanen #abercrombiepartner day in the life of a performative man in nyc <3 Shop 30% off ALL shorts and swim @abercrombie ♬
TikTok user @jphisawwww, in his video about how to dress like a "performative male," says that it's "all about the mindset."
"Everything you do is for validation from others. Whether it's the beverages you consume, the things you put on your body, or even the music you listen to," he said.
Meanwhile, user @hyperstrides describes the trend as "an assimilation of things guys do to attract women, except it's completely out of left field," as his interests are not what some perceive to be typically masculine.
For AJ Bacar, the artist behind the Sskait comics, the performative male "intentionally" does these things to be liked. "Kahit na hindi mo naman siya thing!" he told PhilSTAR L!fe.
In the past weeks, Bacar has created videos portraying and poking fun at the performative man. He carried around Colleen Hoover's It Starts With Us as he sipped a matcha drink during a convention in Iloilo.
Gender and performance
Part of the reason the archetype blew up online is because he’s instantly recognizable. "Gender is performance," sociologist Athena Charanne Presto explained, adding that the idea of the performative male is about the surface-level markers of style or behavior, like curating looks and gestures that are often perceived as "soft" or "feminine."
"This becomes notable because Philippine society has long policed masculinity through rigid binaries: Consider, for example, 'tunay na lalaki' versus 'bakla,'" she said.
"The attention given to the performative male shows how narrow the range of acceptable masculinities remains, and how deviations become spectacle rather than norm."
The internet has mixed reactions toward the performative male, with some celebrating it, while others mock it. There have been contests that poke fun at who can “outperform” the other, whether by carrying tampons “just in case,” or romanticizing rainy walks while listening to Mitski.
@xiao_dates Ditto ai sent me to the San Francisco performative male contest #asian #performative #matcha ♬ original sound - Xiao_Dates
One user described the performative male as "you're not fooling anybody gang," while another said that this kind of guy is a "male manipulator final boss."
Another said there's "hate" towards this genre of man because "they lie to get into [women's] pants."
"I can see how people can see performative male as manipulative. May overlap, but it is not the same," Bacar said.
"Both na may false pretence, but for me, manipulative kasi it contains malicious intent, and usually it's directed toward a person. Being performative naman, not all have malicious intent, and kadalasan, pang-fishing for compliments and attention," he added.
The content creator and visual artist continued to say that, at some level, people become performative. "Alam mo 'yung minsan may mga bagay na ginagawa ka para mapansin ka ni crush kahit 'di mo naman naiintindihan o trip? Parang ganun," Bacar said.
On the internet, some women came to the archetype's defense and said that labeling men adopting more interests and behaviors that aren't traditionally associated with manhood as "performative" perpetuates toxic masculinity.
"I like seeing men do something feminine, [and] I don't see it as performative at all because you know how people just are kind of mostly performative, but it's to fit in, to belong, to try something new, to learn things that are outside of who we are," user @eli_villapando said.
TikToker @glass__museum echoed this, questioning why people only call gender a "performance" when it "challenges the dominant script."
"We only call men performative when their performance subverts hegemonic notions of masculinity," they said, adding that the "gym bros" and "possessive Korean oppas" are also performing gender—just in a way that aligns with dominant social norms.
Presto told L!fe that the backlash toward the performative male "reinforces the idea that femininity itself is inferior or laughable."
The sociologist also warned against romanticizing performative men who only take on the said aesthetic to attract women. "That’s instrumentalizing femininity for conquest, which is dangerous because it recycles the logic of patriarchy (treating women as prizes to be won)."
"We need to separate critique of toxic intent from blanket dismissal of gender play. Mocking men for painting their nails reinforces misogyny. But calling out men who aestheticize femininity only to manipulate women is necessary feminist work. The task is to affirm femininity as valuable in itself, while unmasking when men co-opt it in ways that keep power unequal," Presto said.
As seen on TikTok, the performative males are "in on the joke," as they label themselves as so in their videos and carry the most items that fit the aesthetic—Labubus included.
Are performative males toxic?
Furthermore, Presto noted that the performative male does not subvert toxic masculinity but creates another kind of it.
"The performative male still reproduces patriarchy because the framing ultimately validates maleness," the sociologist said. "A man can wear nail polish, crop tops, or curate a TikTok aesthetic, but he is rarely stripped of the social privilege attached to being male."
"In fact, these performances can even amplify desirability because they are read as stylish or 'modern,'" she added.
In some videos, users said that they're "falling for this trap willingly," while others rave about their fashion sense.
On the other hand, Presto also highlighted that the case is different for queer men or trans women performing femininity, as they are punished socially and structurally for doing so.
"While the performative male may seem to push against toxic masculinity’s rigidity, it does not dismantle male dominance, or maybe even stretches its boundaries."(with reports from Ayie Licsi)
