Why our co-workers are not our friends

Every week, PhilSTAR L!fe explores issues and topics from the perspectives of different age groups, encouraging healthy but meaningful conversations on why they matter. This is Generations by our Gen Z columnist Angel Martinez.

Anyone with a desk job knows that work is never over by Friday at 5:00 p.m.—and this doesn’t always have to be a bad thing. OT sessions aside, we thankfully have weekend inumans, payday dinners, and out-of-town team-building activities to look forward to. But for some reason, some Gen Z like me would rather clock out early and set their status to Do Not Disturb. Co-workers aren’t friends, anyway. We don’t owe them anything.

Notoriously known as the work-life balance generation, today’s new hires refuse to be constrained by their occupations. They want lives they create and curate for themselves: to identify by roles beyond their LinkedIn titles and to associate themselves with people outside the workplace.

This, of course, signals an alarming shift in our office dynamics, which thrives on “familial connection and mutual concern among team members [...] to navigate any internal challenges,” as human resources professional and organizational development researcher Mikee Talamayan tells PhilSTAR L!fe.

It must be said at this point that Gen Z aren’t always antisocial, nor are they being deliberately difficult to deal with. Based on my informal interviews, younger employees actually gravitate towards one another due to either common interests or a shared disdain for the establishment—and that’s good!

“When you spend the majority of your time with colleagues, genuine connections become a natural possibility,” Talamayan says. “They witness your most challenging career moments and are often there to offer support in achieving your goals.” Such positive outcomes in an environment as tension-filled and turbulent as the office can translate to higher productivity, engagement, and motivation.

What they’re more cautious of, however, are the unrealistic expectations that come with the inevitable erosion of boundaries. Filipinos are inherently relational workers and people, in general: “Across previous generations, this cultural trait has underscored the importance of building strong working relationships,” Talamayan explains. Ask any Boomer or Gen Xer and they probably think fondly or still keep in touch with their first work barkada.

But Gen Zers don’t feel as comfortable treating all colleagues with this level of closeness. In the event of abuse or harassment of any kind, there might be this pressure to keep the peace or observe utang na loob instead. (Actually, if we look at it that way, isn’t it fitting that some toxic workplaces refer to themselves as a "family"?)

Charlisse once worked as a product manager for a startup that boasted of their closeness on social media. “I worked long hours and endured verbal abuse from my superiors, just so that there wouldn’t be any kampihan or beef among us. I admit I stayed longer than I should have for the same reason,” she shares with L!fe.

It’s also difficult to bridge the generation gap, since there are crucial differences in ways of working, backgrounds, and even morals and principles. After management trainee Claire received sexually inappropriate remarks from a middle manager, her instinct was to seek help from her direct superior. “But all she told me was to let it be, because that’s just the way older men are. That’s what they find funny and that’s what brings them together. In one ear, out the other na lang daw,” she tells L!fe.

With that said, senior officers share the responsibility of co-creating a safe space. Sabine, a business development associate at an FMCG, was the only respondent of mine with an overwhelmingly positive response to her teammates. But she says this is possible because her workplace’s culture is designed to foster such strong ties. “It’s a shared sentiment among [our higher-ups] that they don’t have to be assholes to lead. They’ve created this culture where it’s not scary to ask questions, learn from them, and be our authentic selves,” she tells L!fe.

And while Gen Zers have a point, the solution isn’t to detach completely. Striking a good balance, according to Talamayan, comes down to “discernment and knowing who to trust, as with any form of friendship.” This just means being aware that the office resembles an arena more often than it does a home, and that politics exist even if we don’t actively participate.

For instance, account manager Lara was initially over the moon when her boss “showered [her] with compliments, gave [her] expensive gifts, and took [her] out to drinks,” as she relayed to L!fe. But soon, she learned that these were all shoddy attempts at hiding the leaves she had been taking with no prior notice, and the backstabbing that was taking place behind the scenes.

We must remind ourselves that we can have friendly interactions with others, without actually having to be friends with them. Some of them could be lifelong companions; others will be signatures on a “We’ll miss you!” greeting card—and that’s okay. Both relationships are worth our time and involve real people with real feelings. The demands of our day jobs are already difficult, as is. We owe it to one another to make our lives a little easier.

Generations by Angel Martinez appears weekly at PhilSTAR L!fe.