Shrekking, explained: What is this new toxic dating trend among Gen Z?
A new trend has emerged in the Gen Z dating scene, and it has something to do with—you guessed it—Shrek.
"Shrekking" is quickly gaining traction online as young people share their stories about "dating down" on TikTok. Inspired by the gigantic green ogre who ended up being chosen by Princess Fiona over Prince Charming in the 2001 film, the term has a modern twist to how relationships are formed in today's generation.
On the surface, it may sound harmless and even practical, but experts warn that this dating strategy masks deeper issues around self-image and attraction—and may set a path for resentment or even betrayal.
What is Shrekking?
Dating coach Vanessa Antonio told PhilSTAR L!fe that Shrekking happens when someone deliberately dates below their league, believing that it's a “safer” choice.
"When someone Shreks, they have the expectation of being treated better because their target has 'lower' physical qualities than them," added Joan Mae Perez-Rifareal, the president of the Philippine Psychiatric Association.
According to Perez-Rifareal, it could stem from issues and concerns with self-image and perceptions of one's attractiveness. "They may use this as a form of validation that they will still be chosen by anyone rather than someone," she said.
"It may also come from their desire to find a more 'secure' relationship where their partner may not be easily attracted to/by others," she added.
Signs you're being Shrekked
Per Antonio, the most telling sign that you're being Shrekked is if you feel that you're the only "lucky" one in your relationship, and your partner acts like they're simply doing you a favor for being with you.
"If you constantly feel 'less than' them, that's a big red flag," she highlighted. "If your partner is arrogant about you having them in your life, then they might be thinking you're a Shrek."
Perez-Rifareal told L!fe that other signs include observing that your partner is not proud of you, keeps looking at attractive people, and constantly compares you to others.
Over time, this creates an unequal partnership that could leave you feeling undervalued.
The experts underscored it may even cause a Shrekked person to cheat on their partner eventually.
"It often leads to resentment, superiority, and even cheating. Sometimes, kung sino pa ang Shrek, sila ang nagiging cheater," Antonio noted.
How to avoid being Shrekked
According to Antonio, you can avoid getting Shrekked by cultivating self-awareness. "Know your value in the dating market. Research shows that people tend to pair with someone close to their attractiveness level," she told L!fe, adding that this also includes knowing your worth as it "protects you from settling out of fear of being alone."
Perez-Rifareal suggested setting boundaries and clearly stating your needs in a relationship, voicing out your concerns, and asking for assurance when you need it.
"It's totally fine to have clear expectations from your relationship. After all, getting into one is a choice you both make," she stressed.
Antonio advised watching out for backhanded compliments and comments suggesting superiority. "If they feel that you owe them for choosing you, you might be the only one rocking the boat forever to keep your relationship afloat."
Lastly, it's important to remember that love is a two-way street. "If you're the only one investing, then you're the Shrek, and you're the only one who's gonna cry too when your relationship ends," the dating expert concluded.
